As I sit here trying to write this post, I’m finding it incredibly difficult to find the right words. Little Miss Celebration and the many wonderful readers, bloggers and friends I’ve been so very privileged to meet and share with these past almost five years has meant more than I can adequately express. After months of struggling, thinking and more than a few tears, I’ve come to the tough but necessary realization that it is time for me to step away from blogging. It was not in any way an easy decision to make and even as I write this, a sense of panic is overcoming me. No, don’t do it!!! I know in my heart, though, it is the right thing for me right now. Tonight will be my last Best of the Weekend party, but I could never just disappear without letting you know why and saying thank you.
As many of you know, I lost my husband this time last year. It has been hard. Really hard. Some days, I feel much weaker than I though I ever was…though on other days, I find that I am really a lot stronger than I ever thought I could be. It’s more challenging than I could ever have thought possible to try to carve a new path for myself, and I’m really not sure how to do that. I know, though, that I’ll figure it out somehow. I’m still doing creative things to keep myself busy and sane, but I don’t feel too much like Little Miss Celebration right now. I took a year to see how felt so as not to make a hasty decision. Well, if I’m being completely honest with myself and you, my heart just isn’t in it any longer. I think my path for now needs to be in different direction. Not really sure what that direction is or will be, though I’m hopeful that I’ll find it.
My husband was unbelievably supportive of my blog and all that I did. I am filled, though, with so much guilt for the time I spent doing this when I could have focused more time on him. We were on vacation just a few weeks before he died, and he asked me, for the only time during my blogging days, if I would consider giving up the blog. He was concerned that it was too much stress with working, my Mom was starting to show signs of what has recently been diagnosed as Alzheimer’s, and he wanted me to have more time for fun. I said I wanted to have another year to see if I could take things to the next level. He understood and said he would stand behind whatever I wanted to do. Three weeks after we had that conversation, he was gone. I feel that he would be happy that I’m going to try on focus on creating a new life for myself right now.
I am so, so grateful and thankful for each and every one of you. There really are no words to let you know how much your support has meant to me. Thank you seems too small and inadequate, but please know that it is so truly heartfelt. I know that a part of me will miss this (and already does.) I hope you understand and don’t forget me. I’ve loved every moment, every comment and definitely every smile we’ve shared. The journey of Little Miss Celebration has been a gift, as have each and every one of you.
Along the blogging way, there have been bloggers I loved who stopped blogging and I never had a chance to say goodbye. That made me sad on so many occasions. That’s why this post is so important to me. This experience and you have changed me and helped me to grow in a lot of wonderful ways. For that, I’m so very thankful.
I don’t know what the future will bring for me. Perhaps, in time, I’ll decide to start blogging again. Or perhaps I’ll just enjoy the countless wonderful bloggers that I adore so much.
Thank you for being a part of my life for these past five years. I don’t want to say goodbye, so I’ll just say farewell for now.